All true, and it's not just something that 'happened' over the last 30 years. It's the plan, the method for destroying believers, destroying marriages, and destroying healthy countries. As you say, we have to intentionally work to create genuine community. The more I reach out to others, the more I see they are thirrrrsty for depth and meaning.
I really appreciated your post—your emphasis on moving beyond event-driven models to focus on intentional, accountable relationships hits right at the heart of effective ministry.
That perspective aligns directly with what I’ve been exploring in my recent writing on discipleship and leadership. A few key themes I’ve been focusing on closely mirror your insights:
* **Relational Proximity Over Programmatic Scale:** Real transformation happens when we shift from measuring attendance or event metrics to building authentic, high-trust relationships. True disciple-making requires walking alongside people intentionally rather than relying on one-off initiatives.
* **Bridge-Building & Culture:** Leadership in disciple-making is fundamentally about creating bridges—connecting people through shared vulnerability, accountability, and practical grace rather than static structures.
* **Consistency & Long-Term Journeying:** Sustainable growth takes shape in the quiet, consistent rhythms of personal investment and mutual accountability over time.
I’d love to connect further and exchange ideas on how we can continue encouraging leaders to move away from transactional frameworks toward relational, journey-focused discipleship.
I think discipleship has been viewed as a program or a mentor to mentee (older-younger) relationship, but it really needs to be more lateral & equal. Isn’t that what we declare with communion?
I sent an influencer in our parish a link to this article; they're connected to efforts to improve our hospitality. I realized hospitality is only the first weak link in a chain of relational responsibility.
Our parish is starting ChristLife this fall. It's a program. It won't fix much, but it's a baby step in the right direction.
I made the statement...
"I'm glad ChristLife is sitting around round tables."
Your description of how so many of our solutions for getting men connected are designed by and for men who are comfortable in classrooms reminded me of my experience in Knights of Columbus. I remember being in Knights of Columbus, where the monthly meeting is sitting in rows listening to a speaker instead of sitting at round tables and connecting. The other gatherings of men are the same: "Come and listen to a speaker."
My observation is that when we were young we were put into groups and "forced" to form relationships. If you didn't make friends in those groups, you would suffer the entire time you were required to be there. The older we get, the more voluntary our groups are. There are few times we are forced to form relationships.
I became involved in Unchained Leader and made connections. Unchained Leader constantly tells us that connection is the opposite of addiction. A problem is that there are not a lot of opportunities for face-to-face.
That’s all fascinating Larry! Little things line how we set up a meeting room point to our philosophy of growth. Community vs. proclamation. Greek vs. Socratic. We gotta keep having these convos.
I have 2 pastors as neighbors that I have been building relationships with and they are clearly part of this 30%. Leading Christian communities with no close friends they are comfortable sharing their pain with. They both feel they don’t have capacity or freedom to meet with someone to share their pain weight they carry. I’ve been praying for them and walking by their homes seizing every opportunity to have conversations, love and encourage them. Trying to setup coffee dates. Every encounter seems to be a bit more genuine and open. . . The Lord placed them in my Oikos, so let’s see what He is doing there.
All true, and it's not just something that 'happened' over the last 30 years. It's the plan, the method for destroying believers, destroying marriages, and destroying healthy countries. As you say, we have to intentionally work to create genuine community. The more I reach out to others, the more I see they are thirrrrsty for depth and meaning.
Good word, Hank! We have to not just talk about this, but engage it.
Great post Kevin. I appreciate the challenge to move past event-driven ministry and focus on intentional, accountable relationships.
Blessings, Keith! Its all about relationship and journeying together.
Hi Kevin,
I really appreciated your post—your emphasis on moving beyond event-driven models to focus on intentional, accountable relationships hits right at the heart of effective ministry.
That perspective aligns directly with what I’ve been exploring in my recent writing on discipleship and leadership. A few key themes I’ve been focusing on closely mirror your insights:
* **Relational Proximity Over Programmatic Scale:** Real transformation happens when we shift from measuring attendance or event metrics to building authentic, high-trust relationships. True disciple-making requires walking alongside people intentionally rather than relying on one-off initiatives.
* **Bridge-Building & Culture:** Leadership in disciple-making is fundamentally about creating bridges—connecting people through shared vulnerability, accountability, and practical grace rather than static structures.
* **Consistency & Long-Term Journeying:** Sustainable growth takes shape in the quiet, consistent rhythms of personal investment and mutual accountability over time.
I’d love to connect further and exchange ideas on how we can continue encouraging leaders to move away from transactional frameworks toward relational, journey-focused discipleship.
Blessings,
Keith
I think 🤔 most men do not trust anyone to open up.
That’s sad , isn’t it, Paul! We gotta keep modeling healthy community be being willing to trust.
Good post Kevin, spot on!
I think discipleship has been viewed as a program or a mentor to mentee (older-younger) relationship, but it really needs to be more lateral & equal. Isn’t that what we declare with communion?
Yes! Agreed, Trip! Blessings.
Excellent information!
I sent an influencer in our parish a link to this article; they're connected to efforts to improve our hospitality. I realized hospitality is only the first weak link in a chain of relational responsibility.
Our parish is starting ChristLife this fall. It's a program. It won't fix much, but it's a baby step in the right direction.
I made the statement...
"I'm glad ChristLife is sitting around round tables."
Your description of how so many of our solutions for getting men connected are designed by and for men who are comfortable in classrooms reminded me of my experience in Knights of Columbus. I remember being in Knights of Columbus, where the monthly meeting is sitting in rows listening to a speaker instead of sitting at round tables and connecting. The other gatherings of men are the same: "Come and listen to a speaker."
My observation is that when we were young we were put into groups and "forced" to form relationships. If you didn't make friends in those groups, you would suffer the entire time you were required to be there. The older we get, the more voluntary our groups are. There are few times we are forced to form relationships.
I became involved in Unchained Leader and made connections. Unchained Leader constantly tells us that connection is the opposite of addiction. A problem is that there are not a lot of opportunities for face-to-face.
That’s all fascinating Larry! Little things line how we set up a meeting room point to our philosophy of growth. Community vs. proclamation. Greek vs. Socratic. We gotta keep having these convos.
I have 2 pastors as neighbors that I have been building relationships with and they are clearly part of this 30%. Leading Christian communities with no close friends they are comfortable sharing their pain with. They both feel they don’t have capacity or freedom to meet with someone to share their pain weight they carry. I’ve been praying for them and walking by their homes seizing every opportunity to have conversations, love and encourage them. Trying to setup coffee dates. Every encounter seems to be a bit more genuine and open. . . The Lord placed them in my Oikos, so let’s see what He is doing there.