Are You One Bad Day Away From Having No One Left to Call?
Why the loneliness epidemic is destroying men—and what it takes to break free
Note #1: This article has encouraged a LOT of men over the past couple years. It was time for a re-boot! Men, listen to me, don’t do life alone!
Note #2: If you want to join a premium cohort of co-laborers launching missional simple churches, join my Premium Cohort. Meet monthly by Zoom with other disciple-making co-laborers. And get FREE access to my Simple Bible Notes web app and the 24/7 Virtual Disciple-Making Coach. Find out more by CLICKING HERE.
A massive problem is rearing its head in 21st-century American Culture. Men do life alone. They just do. Loneliness and Isolation are eating at us from the inside out. Work has become so cutthroat that people are afraid to trust one another. We are so overextended that we don’t have the time or energy to make friends. We don’t set aside a night or weekend to be together. Individualism has trained us to isolate. Our safe lives have led us down a path where we don’t need each other for survival.
Adding to the fact that men isolate to protect themselves from vulnerability and insecurity, they have egos that don’t permit them to admit they are lonely. A recent study by the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness found that 35% of men claim they are experiencing loneliness at least once per week, but you will rarely find a man who will publicly admit it.
Research conducted in 2021 found that 15% of men claim that they have no close friends, a staggering 12% increase since 1990. A study published by Equimundo in 2023 found that a majority of men, ranging from older Millennials to Generation Z, agree with the statement, “No one really knows me well,” with Generation Z having the highest percentage of agreement among all respondents. In this same publication, a majority of men stated that they only have one or two close friends in their area that they feel they can confide in outside of their family.
Loneliness is a Symptom of Isolation
If we track loneliness to its root, we find it’s usually a sign of emotional and relational isolation. There is an overwhelming expectation that men in our time will have it all together. That pressure leads us to keep our feelings to ourselves. We do not lean on others when we need to figure something out. It’s just not manly to ask for help or admit weakness. This leads us to become increasingly emotionally involved in the decisions we have to make or the problems we are facing. Humans need outside observers to objectively advise them on the paths to take. When we don’t have a trusted group of men, we leave ourselves vulnerable to emotional contamination in our decision-making process.
Proverbs 11:14 – Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
It’s time we re-engage with men whom we trust to give us wise counsel from their objective observations of our situation. Isolating ourselves emotionally and physically from other men prevents us from getting this deep need met.
Living in Community is a Command of Scripture
Galatians 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ.
Ecclesiastes 4:19 – Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.
Scripture is unambiguous throughout the Bible that man has an inherent need for others. There are 59 times in the New Testament alone that instruct us how we are to relate to “one another.” We were intentionally given strengths and weaknesses so that we must lean on others in the Body of Christ to live our most whole lives. Romans 12:10 commands us to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” It doesn’t get much clearer than that.
God’s best is for us to live in community with one another as we journey through the challenges and victories of life.
Confession of Sin is a Path to Healing
One of the most essential functions of having people in your life who will love you where you are is the act of confessing sins. James, the brother of Jesus, commands it in his New Testament book. He says to “confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” Seriously, that’s a big deal. Confession of sin can bring healing as our brothers pray for us.
Confessing that we are sinners is great, but confessing specific sins is healing. Confessing sin to other men can be extremely intimidating. Every group will experience this differently. The details shared will vary based on a number of factors. But the key is not to judge when sin is confessed. Encouragement and prayer are the key to healing.
Five Solutions to Our Loneliness and Isolation Problem
Find a group of men who will listen, sharpen iron, and pray with you.
Put your pride aside, open your mouth, and tell someone what’s going on in your life.
Be willing to ask the hard questions to the men you want to journey with.
Set the example and be the first to confess sin or share challenges with your friends.
Prioritize meeting with other men and don’t make excuses when it’s time to meet.
With Practice, Community Will Become the Norm
The past year has been a huge leap in my faith and victory over life's challenges. After a massive business failure and some very bad decisions, I realized that to heal the wounds as quickly as possible, I needed to have men who could hear the truth and pray for deep healing in my soul. I chose to take the risk and talk to a few men who helped me know the truth about what I’d been through. They, in turn, reminded me of my identity when my enemy was screaming accusations at me. The more I shared with these men, the easier it became. Confession, repentance, and counsel in a group setting are now one of my most treasured possessions.
“Alone in America” — Photograph by Quintin Gellar (Licensed under Creative Commons Zero License)
And I would add women to this conversation too, or least myself. Great read!
I hope not