How to Have a Spiritual Conversation That Will Not Be Your Last

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Spiritual conversations can get awkward!

You’ve had that talk before – the one that caused you to change your neighborhood walking route. It was just uncomfortable. You were thankful she cared enough to strike up a conversation, but she just didn’t know when to stop. Or how to avoid crossing the line into your personal space. So you graciously avoided her, hoping she wouldn’t think you were just being rude.

Maybe you’ve also instigated that conversation. We can be so anxious to have spiritual conversations that we go a bit overboard. It’s wonderful! It’s a beautiful thing to share Jesus with your neighbor, or co-worker, or the parent at the basketball court.

But if you are not wise and strategic, it could be your last opportunity at a discipling relationship with your new friend. You may limit your chance to share Jesus with him to a one-shot deal. And in light of a huge credibility gap you have with that perfect stranger, it’s unlikely that you’ll make an impact with one meeting.

Three Types of Conversations and How To Manage Each

Let’s talk about three types of conversations. The differentiator between those talks relates to the depth they go. You’ll find yourself in many discussions throughout the week that we call casual conversations. A few of those will drive a bit deeper and become crucial. And if you ask the right questions and tell the right stories, some of those will become spiritual conversations. Spiritual conversations lead to faith decisions over time.

Casual Conversations

The conversation that we categorize as casual happens many times on any given day. It could be as simple as a quick conversation about the weather or how well a kid has played in the local sports league.

These conversations have no real depth and usually involve no emotional response. For example, you might lean toward a parent and say, “Wow! Johnny is really shooting the ball nicely today.” Although they may seem totally surface and purposeless, they are the conversations that become the doorway to deeper talks.

On average, you will have about 85 of these casual conversations per week. Dan Grider encourages us to increase this number to about 200 or more. As you engage in more casual conversations, you’ll also see an increase in crucial and spiritual conversations.

Crucial Conversations

Conversations that we categorize as crucial are those that dive deeper and include emotional or relational significance. These conversations move one step closer to becoming spiritual conversations.

For example, the conversation about how well Johnny is shooting the basketball may transition to crucial with a question such as, “By the way, how is Johnny doing with the loss of his Grandfather?” This engages the person at the next level and shifts the talk from casual to crucial.

Crucial questions are the bridge to spiritual conversations.

Spiritual Conversations

The goal of the disciple-maker is to lead to the most significant category of conversation – the spiritual conversation. These engage your friend to think about faith, eternity, or another spiritual issue. A spiritual conversation is usually not a church invitation. At Our Best Story, we call that “going church” on someone. That will likely cause someone to change their afternoon walking route, just like you changed yours earlier.

Stay focused on asking questions that are timely and relevant to the user. Ask those that make them think about spiritual matters. We call these “just in time” questions instead of “just in case” – the questions asked right when a person needs to hear them. Don’t rush to these questions. The Holy Spirit will lead you when the time is right. If they don’t come naturally, pray for a future opportunity to dig deeper.

As Johnny’s mom tells me that Johnny is struggling with his transition, I may ask something like, “How are you doing, Amy? Do you have the support you need during this time? Would it be okay if I pray with you right now?”

Relevant Questions and Genuine Stories – The Conversation Bridges

There can be a wide gap between the three types of conversations. It may seem like the gap is so vast that it’s challenging to get from one to the other. The bridge to close the gap can be a relevant question or a genuine story.

We’ve already talked about relevant questions. The genuine story is an experience you’ve had that offers hope for a person to resolve spiritual conflict. It could be a story about how you overcame a similar obstacle. Or it may be a story that illustrates a passage of scripture that speaks to the internal struggle.

“Amy, I remember the months following my dad’s car accident. Sometimes it felt like I couldn’t even get out of bed. Over time, I trained myself to rest in the fact that God knew exactly what I was going through and would help me overcome the pain I was experiencing.”

Spiritual Conversations Take Practice

Each of these types of conversation takes practice. Even the simplest one requires us to get out of our comfort zone and initiate the talk. The more we force ourselves to ask the first question, the easier and more comfortable it gets.

If you’d like to learn more about spiritual conversations, check out Dan’s book, Crucial Conversations.

Photo by Tim Douglas from Pexelswkward!