Spiritual Conversations That Won't Freak Out Your Friends

The Art of Normal, Natural Disciple-Making Where You Live, Learn, Work, and Play.

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😳 Spiritual conversations can get awkward!

You’ve had that talk before. From “that guy” at work who can’t get off his soapbox. Let’s call him Tinfoil. The topic is irrelevant. You just know it was uncomfortable. You were thankful he cared enough to strike up a conversation, but he didn’t know when to stop. Or how to avoid crossing the line into your personal space. So you silently avoided him, hoping he wouldn’t think you were just being rude. You heard his voice in the breakroom and quickly walked the other way. You caught a glimpse in the corner of your eye over by the coffee maker and decided you didn’t need to fill your cup after all. You know what I’m talking about!

Maybe you’ve also instigated that conversation. We can be so anxious to have spiritual conversations that we go a bit overboard. It’s wonderful! It’s a beautiful thing to share Jesus with your neighbor, or co-worker, or the parent at the basketball court.

But if you are not wise and strategic, it could be your last opportunity at a discipling relationship with your new friend. You may limit your chance to share Jesus with him to a one-shot deal. And in light of a huge credibility gap you have with that perfect stranger, it’s unlikely that you’ll make an impact with one meeting.

Back in the day, we could have spiritual conversations and get away with it. Faith wasn’t such an awkward topic, and most people had some understanding of God and the story of Jesus. But not anymore! Now, most people relate any faith topic to their awkward relationship with Aunt Suzie, who always brings up how they should be living differently or going to church.

When the leap from non-faith to faith was more unattainable, we used the analogy of a non-believer standing on one side of a canyon and Jesus on the other. All we had to do was drop the cross and bridge the gap, and the unbeliever could have a casual stroll right over to the opposite cliff. Effortless!

That model served us well. But the world changed.

It’s more like her standing on one side of a river and Jesus on the other. And what she needs is simply the first stepping stone. Then she has to make a decision whether she’s going to hop on the stone. The job of the one leading her to Jesus is to observe whether she hops on. If she does, then he can drop the next stone. And the next. And the next. Until she gets to the other side and falls into the arms of her Savior.

So if this is how it works these days, baby steps to faith, then what tools do we use to replace the canyon cross?

Let’s talk about the stepping stones of conversations.

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Three Types of Conversations - Stepping Stones Toward Faith

Let’s talk about three types of conversations and some tools to bridge the gaps that will help your friend get to the other side. The differentiator between those talks relates to the depth they go. And the pathway they take leads your friends to Jesus.

You’ll find yourself in many discussions throughout the week that we call casual conversations. A few of those will drive a bit deeper and become crucial. And if you ask the right questions and tell the right stories, some of them will become spiritual conversations. And spiritual conversations lead to faith decisions over time.

Casual Conversations

The conversation that we categorize as casual happens many times on any given day. It could be as simple as a quick conversation about the weather or how well a kid has played in the local sports league.

These conversations lack real depth and usually elicit no emotional response. For example, you might lean toward a parent and say, “Wow! Johnny is really shooting the ball nicely today.” Although they may seem totally surface and purposeless, they are the conversations that become the doorway to deeper talks.

On average, you will have about 85 of these casual conversations per week. Dan Grider encourages us to increase this number to about 200 or more. As you engage in more casual conversations, you’ll see an increase in crucial and spiritual conversations.

More Casual Conversations = More Opportunities to Take Them Deeper

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Crucial Conversations

Conversations we categorize as crucial are those that delve deeper and carry emotional or relational significance. These conversations move one step closer to becoming spiritual conversations.

For example, the conversation about how well Johnny is shooting the basketball may transition to crucial with a question such as, “By the way, how is Johnny doing with the loss of his Grandfather?” This engages the person at the next level and shifts the talk from casual to crucial.

And crucial questions are the bridge to spiritual conversations. They engage a different part of a person’s brain and require a different response that requires trust.

Spiritual Conversations

The goal of the disciple-maker is to lead to the most significant category of conversation – the spiritual conversation. These prompt your friend to reflect on faith, eternity, or another spiritual issue. A spiritual conversation is usually not a church invitation. In the Disciple-Making Collective, Dan Grider taught us to call this “going church” on someone. That will likely cause your friend to change their afternoon walking route or break time at the office to avoid the awkwardness.

Stay focused on asking questions that are timely and relevant to the user. Ask those that make them think about spiritual matters without feeling like they just stepped in a pile of poop when you asked them. We call these “just in time” questions instead of “just in case”. They are the questions asked right when a person needs to consider them. Don’t rush to these questions. The Holy Spirit will lead you when the time is right. If they don’t come naturally, pray for a future opportunity to dig deeper.

As Johnny’s mom tells me that Johnny is struggling with his transition, I may ask something like, “How are you doing, Amy? Do you have the support you need during this time? Would it be okay if I pray with you right now?”

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Relevant Questions and Genuine Stories – The Conversation Bridges

There can be a wide gap between the three types of conversations. It may seem like the gap is so vast that it’s challenging to get from one to the other. But remember, the stepping stone to closing the gap is often a relevant question or a genuine story.

We’ve already talked about relevant questions. The genuine story is an experience you’ve had that offers hope for a person to resolve spiritual conflict. It could be a story about how you overcame a similar obstacle. Or it may be a story that illustrates a passage of scripture that speaks to the internal struggle.

“Amy, I remember the months following my dad’s car accident. Sometimes it felt like I couldn’t even get out of bed. Over time, I trained myself to rest in the fact that God knew exactly what I was going through and would help me overcome the pain I was experiencing. Over the course of a few months, things got better”.

Spiritual Conversations Take Practice

Each of these types of conversation takes practice. Even the simplest one requires us to get out of our comfort zone and initiate the talk. The more we force ourselves to ask the first question, the easier and more comfortable it gets.

• What can you do this week to practice moving casual conversations to crucial❓

• Crucial to Spiritual❓

• And how can you increase the number of casual conversations to open up opportunities❓

👉 If you’d like to learn more about spiritual conversations, check out my new book called Hand to the Plow: The Field Guide for Everyday Disciple-Makers (click here and use SUBSTACK to get a 20% discount). And also make sure to pick up Dan Grider’s book, Crucial Conversations.

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