Show Notes
Rachel Van Hook thought she had parenting all figured out. Three beautiful daughters, a thriving youth ministry alongside her husband Chuck, and everything running smoothly—until God interrupted her comfortable life with a phone call she almost didn’t answer.
What started as a casual catch-up with an old friend turned into a divine appointment that shattered her pride, tested her marriage, and ultimately transformed her understanding of what it means to follow Jesus into uncomfortable places.
In this raw and honest conversation, Rachel shares how twin boys from the Arizona foster care system landed in her lap exactly as she’d prayed—and why that answered prayer nearly broke her.
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Rachel Van Hook - Teacher, Grad Student & Adoptive Mom
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The Phone Call That Changed Everything
Rachel had been praying about adoption for years, but her husband Chuck wasn’t on board. She knew if it was meant to be, God would work on Chuck’s heart in His timing. After finally getting aligned as a couple, Rachel called a friend on New Year’s Day 2016 to start the adoption process—but told her they’d begin after their Disney cruise in February.
They weren’t home five days when Rachel got a call from Lori Collins, someone she hadn’t spoken to in three years. Rachel almost didn’t answer. But she did—and discovered Lori had step-grandsons, twin boys in Arizona foster care, about to be lost in the system. Lori was looking for someone to adopt them.
What Rachel hadn’t told anyone: she’d been praying for adoption to come “like Moses in a basket, just floating down the river, falling into our laps.”
God didn’t just send Moses. He sent Moses and Aaron.
When Confirmation Becomes a Crutch
One of the most powerful moments in Rachel’s journey came during her morning commute when she was begging God for confirmation that adoption was right for their family.
“If you’re waiting on confirmation to adopt, which is in my Word, then you’re gonna miss out on an incredible opportunity. Stop waiting, I’m not gonna confirm this.”
Rachel realized she’d already prayed about it. God had already spoken. She was using the need for “confirmation” as an excuse not to step out in faith.
“I’m going to walk out on the water, but I don’t have a life jacket. It’s dark and stormy. I’m just going to go.”
The Humbling Reality of Trauma-Informed Parenting
Rachel is brutally honest about how adoption shattered her confidence as a parent. With three biological daughters, she thought she had it figured out. The twin boys revealed how little she actually knew.
“I have become more patient and understanding and humbled from feeling like I had my parenting ducks in a row with those girls to, I don’t care what kind of parent you are anymore. I don’t do it better than you. I am gonna good-game your butt all day long because I got nothing anymore. I got no wisdom for anybody.”
She describes the difference in parenting children with trauma backgrounds using a powerful illustration from her dyslexia training: while her daughters might need to hear a rule seven times to understand it, the boys need closer to one hundred repetitions.
“I’d rather you have a hundred of these consequences now that are hard... than a night in jail when you’re 18.”
The Cost to the Whole Family
Before the twins arrived, the Van Hooks had a teenage boy, Josh, living with them for 3 years. When that relationship ended painfully, it was traumatic for the whole family, especially their youngest daughter, Millie, whose first words included “Josh” and “ball.”
Six months later, they were pursuing adoption again.
Rachel worries about the impact on her daughters. She checks in with them regularly. She acknowledges the truth most people won’t say out loud:
“Are they okay? And I talk to them. I try to check in with them and just say, are you really okay? Because they know... it’s been hell. It really has.”
But she also sees it as the most authentic discipleship her daughters could ever experience, watching their parents cry, pray, and have hard conversations while choosing to love sacrificially anyway.
Chuck: The Unsung Hero
Rachel repeatedly credits her husband, Chuck, as the anchor for their family through the chaos of adoption.
“Chuck is a real saint. He is a real king when it comes to parenting those boys because he is firm and loving and he teaches and he respects them. And he won’t give them an inch... He is everything that those boys could ever need.”
She describes the moment Chuck changed the boys’ last name to “Van Hook” at the church check-in system and how she kept that little sticker and put it in her Bible.
Self-Care Isn’t Optional
Rachel doesn’t sugarcoat her mental health journey. She takes medication. She goes to counseling. She’s currently in grad school for mental health psychology specifically because of what she’s walked through.
She describes herself as a “ledge jumper”—someone who hits a wall and wants to quit everything at once. The pandemic amplified this tendency. Learning to identify stress, write it down, and evaluate what can actually be released has been essential to her survival.
“Counseling really did help me to see some of those things from the outside that I couldn’t really see on the inside.”
Key Takeaways
For Those Considering Adoption:
Stop waiting for confirmation if God has already spoken
The bigger the yes, the bigger the blessing
It will be harder than you imagine—and more rewarding than you can comprehend
For Anyone Feeling Overwhelmed:
Write down everything causing stress and evaluate each item individually
Find a counselor who can see what you can’t from the inside
Small acts of self-care matter—don’t dismiss them
It’s okay to say no; the world won’t fall apart without you
For Parents Struggling with Comparison:
Your best looks different from someone else’s best—and that’s okay
Parenting children with trauma requires different tools, not better parenting
Every consequence is an opportunity for long-term protection
Quotable Moments
“The bigger the yes, the bigger the bless.”
“Following Jesus is not easy... the way that He loved people was sacrificial.”
“What’s the worst that could happen? I say that often these days.”
“We’re all really truly just trying to do our best. And your best looks different from my best.”
Kingdom Effect Podcast - Where we talk about the Christ-followers who said yes when it would have been easier to say no. Available on all major podcast platforms.
